I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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