I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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