shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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