isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
