bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize