If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
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This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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