Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
