i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
