Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
