I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
