Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
