I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
