there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
