my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
