tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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