you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
