my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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