I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We left the knife in your bed.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
