I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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