So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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