Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
