i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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