some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
