gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
