I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
