Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
