after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
