he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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