I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
as a side note pls kill me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
