i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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