I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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