Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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