I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
