Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
