How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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