i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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