I've blown a few things in my day
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
