I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
