do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
