i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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