Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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