I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
