Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
