I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
