i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize