I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
