Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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