I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
