Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
