Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
