I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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