Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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