I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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