i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
