he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
