wrigley field is MILF paradise
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
