By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
