I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
