Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
