I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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